omg its been forever since i ranted on here and i dont think i will for once im happy well i been happy since like a little before christmas me and john are engaged and yeah i live with him now

the down side is im sick ... i hate that i got over one thing and got another....

but yeah the real reson im making a journal is that im taking sugestion on poems and other works of art name some thing and i will work on it for you just let me know and ill do it for free im bored and need some thing to do i been playing wow for way to long yeah .... just leave a comment of your suggestion and you know the rest

ok so i dont care what anyone has to say about this you can post as many comments you want

alot has changed since the last time i have been on the da and yeah well in my last journal i wrote how my grandmother was in the hospital and all well she is gone now and it made me realize something to not let you dreams be over you need them to keep going on and im not thanks to her she is my main role model right now and no one else.

i have moved out of my house and in to john's and me and him are engaged and everyone that has helped me before eith all my problems thanks it really payed off.

like i said here is the part i dont care what you say im pretty much dropping friends all i do know is work talk to soe people every now and then and go home smoke and sleep, im pretty much dropping everyone that uses me for my car and for my age im tired of buying people cigarettes and in two years dont think about asking me to get you alchol, cause i can see that going to happen, also im tired of people saying yeah we are still friends even though when i worked at highs all anyone would do was send me a text asking are you working and some of the times i lied cause i know what you were gonna ask.....Erika can you get me cigarettes, and me being the nice person i am i would always sasy yeah sure what ever.

I hate how your someone's best friend and they say i dont know what i would do with out you and they move to someone else and rarly talk to you im sick and tired of being the nice person.

People ask me for a ride and i would normally say yes no i just say no some people have already seen me do this and you know who you are.... im pretty nuch done but for this one thing

I hate how people say they have commisons up and you give them the money and everything and almost a year later you still see nothing and you notice how under commisons there are none i will never trust these people again and im done with them....and lastly i can not stand people crying and saying that there life is so bad and all this other shit im sick and tired and this is one of the reasons i dropped out of school to get away from this shit ....

well that is most of it for right now and i think this is the longest journal i have ever written

peace out bitches!

so i get home and my dad was like blah when r u gonna be home and all this and told me to keep my phone near me all the time.....i was liek why? he said cause mom is in the hospital and all this and i thought he meant my mom so i got sad but no he meant my grandmom how has been in the home for like 13 years now w/ alzimers......and then he told me that they think that she is not gonna last very long its a miracle she made it this far now .....but again im glad she will but im gonna be really sad te grandomther i was closet to but again il be happy se will be with her husband who died like last year and the thing is she dont know....and i dont wanna see her in there any more and not knowing who i am or that she has kids or anything like that i want her to be done with all that have a good after life and forget all that she has been threw....so if i am a complete bitch to anyone then you know why! im gonna be depressed for a long time now i mean i lost one alresy and the other is gonna leave me i only have two left and my other grandmother is not in the best shape of her life she already has had like three heart attacks well im gonna stop ranting its making me want to cry......see ya

i hate how i have to act fine around everyone when really i wanna die inside..... i act like im in a good mood when really i get home lock myself in my room and cry..... it really hurts losing the one i thought i would love forever....and my mom thinks im actually happy.... god i hate lieing to everyone like that.....i see him in the hall and i want to run up to him and tell him how much i will always love him no matter what.... and the ring he gave me haunts my dreams .... i swear its like i sleep near it or even in the same room with it and i have dreams about him and only him.... i want him back soooo much but even if i did get him back will he ever trust me again or will his friends accept me again... all these questions go through my head and it hurts so much cause the fact im only thinking of him and not myself......i dont know what to do i dont want to go on living with out him but what else can i do..... but act like he is not there and that kills me inside....all the memories flow through my head and i want to rip them out cause he wont share them with me... then i think what happens when he moves on who will he love after me....i think of the next person and i wanna kill them

im bored in calss and i dont now what to talk about but i can sing la la la la la la elmos world .......i dont know i told you im really bored and i cant think of anything i love you all talk to you later byez